“Know Your Value” from Faith and Victory Church by Pastor John Butcher. Released: 2017.
“Sometimes I guess there just isn’t enough rocks.” This scene in the movie Forrest Gump overwhelms me. After running from her past and countless fruitless attempts to numb her pain and heal her broken heart, Jenny comes face to face with her childhood home-where all the tragedy began. She begins hurling rocks at the house before collapsing into sobs on the dirt road.
Jenny’s outward expression in confronting a childhood nightmare was something I dreamed about doing myself many times. My own house was not a safe place for children. Adults were scary, violent, unpredictable, had many vices, and hurt children who got in their way. My siblings and I coped in various ways-one of my sisters and I became avid readers. It was our way of escaping the abuse and neglect that were a daily struggle. I did my very best in school. I desperately wanted my teachers to love and approve of me, but it was hard for some of them. I often came to school smelling like mold, cigarettes, marijuana and other awful smells. Who could love an awkward girl that smelled like filth? I had such an ache in my heart to be loved, wanted and cared for. In my brokenness, I considered suicide. I was only 9, but I couldn’t see my life getting better. I knew where a bottle of sleeping pills were and (not completely committed to the plan) I told my sister about it. She told on me at school and I landed in the counselor’s office-who decided I was probably fine and sent me on my way.
Years later, I left home right after graduation to pursue missions. I had a reoccurring nightmare though. I was a helpless child hiding in the attic of that house and something was waiting to devour me. It was a horrifying dream that followed me throughout my travels.
In the early morning when I was in that vulnerable place between sleep and awake, I could faintly hear the music come on the loudspeakers. The whole town was waking up, farmers were walking to the fields and I would begin my shift at the children’s home soon. But in that place, I wasn’t quite awake yet. I wasn’t aware of the stiff humidity that hung in the air. In my sleep, I wasn’t in Thailand. The enemy had whispered in my ear and I was back in that menacing house where I was anything but safe. I could physically feel the oppression in that house where the enemy took joy in witnessing adults hurt each other and the innocent children around them. I hated those nightmares. I would eventually startle myself awake and realize I was half a world away and indeed safe. Half a world away because my God is so big and saw fit to give me, a broken down girl, the desires of her heart. The enemy had been trying to label me again-abused, neglected, broken-and I would live under that old label. It would confirm itself in my failed interactions with people. But they were all lies. They were/are an attempt to steal the security I have in Jesus.
When I returned home off the mission field, I felt brave enough to go visit the house. The rocks I would throw would stay in my imagination though I decided.
I almost laughed when I saw it-my house was now a big box store. I pulled into a parking spot where I guessed the living room would have been. Years of being plagued with the same nightmare of feeling the weight of being in that haunting place and it had been gone for years.
Here’s the truth though-It had been gone for years before the property was purchased from the landlord. My “house” was torn down the day I accepted Jesus into my life. I had been trying to cover and run from a label that Jesus had taken from me a long time ago. I am not a little girl hiding in a dark corner wishing nightmares to go away. I am healed-I just have to walk in that healing every day.
Friends, I’m telling you all of this because the enemy will try and deceive you and keep a label on you that isn’t yours any longer. The enemy will try and convince you that you still live in that house. The enemy will try and convince you that you are not healed. Call the lies for what they are-speak against them in the name of Jesus. Shine light on that dark place and don’t ever move back into that house. It’s gone! You don’t any rocks,(there’s never going to be enough rocks!) you don’t need a lovable, yet clueless hero to knock it down and you don’t need a box store to turn it into retail space. Jesus did it and He is still doing it! Don’t fall for the lie that you aren’t healed-you have been healed and Jesus is still healing you. Walk in that truth! You have a new name, you have a new identity and that is the truth.
This episode we talk about the call from God on our hearts how Pastor Rod Larkin answered.
“Will You Be Part Of the All” from Faith and Victory Church by Pastor Crystal Krachunis. Released: 2017.
“Crumbs for a Dog” from Faith and Victory Church by Pastor Matt Krachunis. Released: 2017.
“Choose the Cup of Blessing” from Faith and Victory Church by Pastor Christian Shields. Released: 2017.
“Where Does Evil Come From” from Faith and Victory Church by Pastor Matt Krachunis. Released: 2017.
“Fear or Freedom” from Faith and Victory Church by Deacon Kevin Mugi. Released: 2017.
“Wash Hands Eat Bread” from Faith and Victory Church by Pastor Matt Krachunis. Released: 2017.
“There Is Power In The Blood” from Faith and Victory Church by Pastor Crystal Krachunis. Released: 2017.