“A MAN WHO HAS FRIENDS must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Proverbs 18:24 NKJVToday, I want to talk about friendships. Do people form “cliques”? Yes, but let me give you a a very good definition of a clique: Clique- A small EXCLUSIVE group of friends or associates. Typically, these groups make it clear to outsiders that not just anyone can join and be part of their group. They accomplish this by making those on the outside feel like they are less important than those inside the clique.
What’s more, people in cliques are notorious for using their “perceived” power as a way to hurt or bully others. The clique will exclude, ostracize and leave out others on purpose. A “clique” and a friend group are two very different animals. People are allowed to have friend groups. Those who like to hunt and fish hang out with others who like to hunt and fish. Those who like to puzzle hang out with other puzzlers. Those who shop hang out with shoppers and those who like to watch movies hang out with others who like to watch movies.
Quite often, the movie goer will switch groups and go hunting because guess what? The movie goer might actually enjoy hunting. You are allowed to hang out with people who you have shared interests and life experience with (or maybe y’all just plain get along).
Currently, I am an empty nester. I do not really enjoy hanging out with people who have small children. I like children, on a case by case basis, but when I want to hang out; I want to be kid-free. Not so when my children were younger. My husband and I hung out with people who had children our kid’s ages because the kids could play and we could have fellowship with the adults.
Does this mean I am in a “clique” with other empty nesters? Well unless we don’t let you hang out with us; then no. (We are not that exciting anyway). In most cases, people don’t have friends NOT because they are being left out, but because they will not show themselves friendly. This is today’s verse, “a man who has friends must himself be friendly”.
Have you ever tried hanging out with that group of ladies? Have you ever asked if you could come over? Have you ever invited them to your house for dinner? Or a play date? Or for coffee? I hear this all the time, “I never get to hang out with the pastor!” When have you ever invited us over for a meal? When have you ever asked to hang out with us? You would be surprised how many people don’t invite us to do things.
I don’t have a group I hang out with. I minister to a few different people and I hang with my hubby. To have friends (plural), you have to be friendly and step out of your comfort zone. You have to put yourself out there, not wait for others to receive you in. It doesn’t always work that way.
There was a couple that visited our church a while back and told their mother, who had visited several times and in fact was still attending; that the church was not friendly. She was shocked. I was shocked. Our church is bordering creepy friendly. So I asked around to our parking lot safety team, greeters and ushers and lo and behold, this couple came in almost 30 min late and left during altar call. They did not even give someone a chance to be friendly. At least be honest with yourself.
If you struggle with making friends, I’m sorry. It is hard to step out of your proverbial boat. But staying in your boat and floating around alone is not Christian fellowship neither is it good for your mind or your soul. Ask the Lord to help you. Pray for the strength to step out and show yourself friendly. I’m going to give you a hint: most people feel just like you. The extreme extroverts are the rare ones. Friendships are hard to make and hard to keep. It takes work. But once you find those friends, they are rare and precious gems. https://youtu.be/woOXPTi_Fus#runyourrace
To Learn More About Pastor Crystal please visit the Leadership Page
