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Have Great Relationships

1 sam 20 1-4

• This is the beginning of a great story between jonathan and david. David is trying to determine if Saul is still after him and this is the beginning of the story
• Its interesting because it shows the foundations of J and D relationship. In it, we can see the benefits of good solid relationship
• This applies to your friendships, marriages, church relationships, parents, kids, anyone
• If you want to have rich meaningful relationships- you have to have some basic principles
• Apply these to your life and what what happens- spoiler alert- jonathan helps David
• How to have better relationships

1. Good relationships are Self reflective “is there any iniquity in me”
2. 1 sam 20; Then David fled from Naioth in Ramah, and went and said to Jonathan, “What have I done? What is my iniquity, and what is my sin before your father, that he seeks my life?”
3. Last week we were watching David flee from King Saul- Saul wanted to kill him-
4. So now- David is trying to determine- Is he still trying to kill me?
5. Here’s what I love- David starts with “whats wrong with me” not “why is Saul so evil”
6. The TRUTH is that Saul is Evil- David has done nothing wrong- but he so desperately wants to honor God with his life- that the beginning of his process is “let me look at myself”
7. Psalm 139:23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties;
8. Psalm 26:2 Examine me, O Lord, and prove me; Try my mind and my heart.
9. You can get a lot done in your spiritual life when you spend time reflecting before God asking him to reveal things to you that you need to work on- He will tell you- (start with yourself)
10. David takes it even farther- he asks his friend- give me some feedback- let me know
11. What David knew what trust is built in relationships that are truthful- no truth- no love
12. Job 13:23  How many are my iniquities and sins? Make me know my transgression and my sin.
13. What does it mean to you
14. Do you lead a reflective life? Do you ask God and others if there are areas of your life that need help? Are you laying your life before God to reveal things that need to be changed?
15. Or do you only look for the fault in others? Jesus said
16. Matt 7:3 And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?
17. Self reflection is one of the greatest needs of good relationships and leadership. You have to take a personal inventory of yourself. (I have a hard time being in the moment)
18. If you never look at your own sin, communication style, appearance, attitude, its not good
19. And when you do? BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF- Be brutal assume its you.
20. Luke 18:9-14  “God I thank you that I am not like other men”  Romans 12:3 READ
21. People who think really highly of themselves have a hard time looking at their faults
22.  (I could run GM- bro- you can’t even run your LIFE)

• Good relationships are Encouraging “you shall not die”
• So David has been being attacked by Saul- He’s been faithful> he’s been serving God
• By all appearances he is doing the right thing living the right way. But still under attack
• Does anyone else identify with that? Going through the worst- J didn’t go “let me tell you”
• NO- Jonathan picks up that he is doing bad- and what does he do? ENCOURAGES HIM
• Proverbs 12:25  Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression,But a good word makes it glad.
• Jonathan realizes that his friend is hurting and encourages him
• You shall not die! You’re going to be king- God is going to do big stuff in your life HOLD ON
• Pro 16:24  Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, Sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.
• I’m sure that David was encouraged after this- Sadly- people are so self-centered they can’t think about someone elses struggles because they are so involved with themselves
• Jonathan had some daddy issues. He should be the heir- he looks past it and blesses David
• Romans 15:2  Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, leading to edification.

• What does it mean to you?
• Are you an encouraging person or a life sucking force from which there is no escape
• Some people don’t have an ounce of encouragement in them- no one encourages or encouraged you, so you don’t know how, or are too empty to do so
• 1 Thes 5:11  Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing.
• Encouraging someone is the lifeblood of a good relationship-
• The problem is that we are supposed to be encouraging people in their spiritual walk but we can’t get there because there are so many life issues we need solve first.
• If your greatest problem was the ridicule you were getting because of your faith youd be ok
• Hebrews 3:13 but exhort one another daily, while it is called “Today,” lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.
• Be an encourager! I figured this out in HS- shut down- no one cared- started to encourage
• How do you do that?
• Hebrews 10:24 And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works,
• Consider other people! What are they going through? Find something to praise- look for it

• Good relationships are Honest “there is a step between me and death”
• 3 Then David took an oath again, and said, “Your father certainly knows that I have found favor in your eyes, and he has said, ‘Do not let Jonathan know this, lest he be grieved.’ But truly, as the Lord lives and as your soul lives, there is but a step between me and death.”
• David is being brutally honest here- he knows that his death could be a reality
• Psa 73:26 My flesh and my heart fail; But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
• TBH Saul has the will and the capacity to kill David. But what David knows- is that death is inevitable for all of us. By Saul or another means- David will not live for ever.
• I love that he’s being truthful here- He’s not skirting around it- Jonathan- I’m scared! One step!
• Relationships that are unwilling to be truthful will never be fruitful- Don’t lie to others
• Staff meeting the other day- we’re brutal- that’s the only way we can grow- Talk deficiencies
• What does it mean to you?
• Are you honest? Are you honest with yourself and others or do you lie to yourself and others?
• Pro 12:22 Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, But those who deal truthfully are His delight.
• You would think that people wouldn’t have to be told this- but lying is wrong- its bad
• When you’re in relationship- what level of truth is there? (Raisin bread- honest)
• Do you know why people aren’t honest? Afraid of walking through it- need to do it.
• Now that David is honest- he has to do something with it- he has to deal with Saul
• You’re supposed to tell the truth- David did!- if someone drops the ball- lovingly tell them
• Colossians 3:9  Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds,
• Matthew 5:37  But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.
• I get it- but if you want great relationships- you have to be honest with yourself and others

• Great relationships are Selfless “I will do it for you”
• 4 So Jonathan said to David, “Whatever you yourself desire, I will do it for you.”
• This is a friend! David is honest- Jonathan steps up “you will not die” and “ I will do it”
• This is selfless! If you want great relationships you have to be selfless.
• Luke 6:35  But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return;
• Jonathan was a selfless man- he was willing to do whatever David required to help him.
• David- I know you are struggling and I know you need help- but you can count on me
• Phil 2:4 Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.
• Jonathan is living out this scripture! He’s walking it out! We will see what he does soon
• What does it mean to you?
• Are you selfless? Or are you a self protectionist? Do you care about yourself the most?
• This is not biblical Christianity- WE are supposed to be selfless not selfish
• Luke 9:23 Then He said to them all, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me.
• This is what Paul Taught
• Galatians 5:13  For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.
• This is how Paul lived
• 1 Corinthians 9:19 For though I am free from all men, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win the more;
• Galatians 6:2 Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
• When you are selfless you give of your time. You give of yourself. You help people.
• It does not come naturally- its something that you have to work at. Its not easy.
• What are you currently doing that is selfless in your life? What activity? Don’t say kids
• Who are you serving that you can get nothing in return for? Church is a great place
• Paul talked about pouring out his life as a drink offering- but people are so concerned with their own stuff and plans to give sacrificially.
• The most selfless thing you can do is give your life to Jesus.