It has been said

  • Divorce
  • 31 “Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except [l]sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.
  • I preached a sermon called “God hates divorce” I encourage you to listen to it It goes through a much deeper explanation on the justification and allowance for divorce in the scriptures
  • It’s a very deep well thought out message that I would encourage you to listen to
  • I am not the decider of divorces. That’s not my role. Its God’s role and his scriptures describe it
  • Stay married is the Biblical advice. There is such a thing as a biblical divorce. Go and listen to the message. If you haven’t heard it or listened to it, go and refresh your mind with it.
  • Mal 2:16 “For the Lord God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence,” Says the Lord of hosts. “Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously.”
  • I really didn’t get from the Lord that he wanted me to do another teaching on the hows and why’s of divorce. I really encourage you to go and listen to the other message
  • Here’s the gist of it- God hates divorce. Staying married is the standard. There are minute biblical exceptions that allow but do not require divorce. If you’ve unbiblically remarried- ask for forgiveness and stay married. Quit looking for loopholes on how and why you can get divorced. Stay married.
  • I typically don’t like to focus on an area that doesn’t apply to everyone in the room
  • If you’re single- God can bless you in your singleness. You can love and support marriage without being married. I support kids and mine are grown, same with adoption, fostering etc.
  • 1 cor 7: 8-9 But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; 9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
  • You can support and defend marriage without being married and you should want to see marriages flourish. If you’re burning with passion- get married.
  • Can we walk through this together as adults? The standard is the standard. Don’t listen to this with the ‘ya-buts’ and the ‘whuddabouts’. Obviously there are biblical exceptions, but lets focus on the rule, not the exception. Yes there are single people here- not singling them out.

Why should marriage be so important to the Christian? Why do we fight for the institution and defend it and hold it in high regard?

  1. It was God’s design
  • God was the one who invented marriage- It was his idea. He was the one who came up with it. We live it and see it- but God could have made us all anamorphic beings who could live and procreate on our own- but he chose not to do things that way-
  • Genesis 2:18 And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”
  • From the beginning, God looked at Adam and said that it wasn’t good for him to be alone- and that we were created for relationship with other people. Specifically a spouse
  • Since God designed marriage- we should defend marriage. God knew what he was doing.
  • Studies have shown what God knew all along- Marriages make people happy and make them live longer. Men have better health when they are married and have more health consequences if they are divorced. Married mothers have lower rates of depression. Married couples have more wealth. They earn more money. Children raised by their own mom and dad are less likely to be poor, more likely to stay in school. Have less behavioral issues and earn four year degrees. Less depression, suicide, boys raised by single moms are more likely to engage in criminal activity and go to prison. Married women are less likely to be victims of violent crime and married men are less likely to commit them. https://www.foryourmarriage.org/blogs/social-benefits-marriage/
  • Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be[a] joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
  • Divorce is not God’s plan- Its just not. We don’t see divorce a lot in the Bible- we see people going through heinous stuff and working it out.
  • Is it forgiveable? Yeah- so is murder and adultery- but Wouldn’t not doing it be better?
  • The truth is that the Bible says Proverbs 18:22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord.
divorce
  1. It is a picture of Christ and the church
  • Outside of our own personal happiness and contentment that can be found in marriage- when married people get married and stay married- they show a picture of Christ and the Church
  • Read through Ephesians 5 and you see Paul talking about man, wife, submission, love, service, relationship etc and then Paul drops a big bomb
  • Eph 5:32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
  • The man is the image of Christ- the wife is the image of the Church
  • A man is to love his wife as Christ loves the church and the woman is supposed to submit to her husband as the Church submits to Christ
  • A loving husband would never divorce his wife just as Christ would never divorce his church. A loving wife would never divorce her husband just as the Church would never divorce itself from Christ
  • Would you continue to go to a church were they disconnected themselves from Christ?
  • No- that would be a divorce- it wouldn’t work.
  • Has Christ divorced us even though we bring him problems? All manner of destruction and deviancy prevails in the local Church- yet Christ is still faithful. He promises rescue for the local church.
  • Revelation 21:2 Then I, John, saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.
  • This word picture of Christ and his bride the church is so so important- it shows the importance of Christ, the church, and marriage.
  • When Married people work it out- they stay together- they defend marriage it says to the unbeliever- Christ changed me- but I am committed because Christ is committed to the church
  • Sure- you can divorce, go find new friends, and tell lies on what the reasons were- but God’s design is to stay together and work it out
  • 2 Corinthians 11:2 For I am jealous for you with godly jealousy. For I have betrothed you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ.
  • Isaiah 54:5 For your Maker is your husband, The Lord of hosts is His name;
  • Rev 19:7 Let us be glad and rejoice and give Him glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His wife has made herself ready.”
divorce
  1. It protects you
  • I would not be the man that I am today without my wife in my life. She has helped me grow into the man I am today. I hope that I have helped her as well
  • She has kept me from sin- she has protected my witness and helped me honor God
  • 1 cor 7:1 It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.
  • God knows the heart of people! He knows our desires and who we are- and he created marriage to meet these desires.
  • Look at how much the world focuses on the flesh- they play it to us because they know our wicked hearts. They use lust to sell us soap and automobiles.
  • And God knew this before the foundations of the earth and he said- get married and find what you need there-
  • And God encourages it for you and your marriage- if you struggle in that area-fix it
  • 1 Corinthians 7:5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
  • I know I lack self control- and the marriage bed is a tool to help it- this is adult talk- the bible covers all areas. Women- if you need a translation- talk to Crystal offline
  • Ecc 4:9-12 READ
  • Two are better than one! We can walk together- we can be together- we can defend each other as we walk through this life together
  • I have had to go through a bunch of stuff in this life- and my wife is my best friend. We talk about everything. As we’ve walked through this life-we live on the same page
  • As your pastors- we love you- but we love each other even more. The stuff we have gone through in the ministry has sometimes almost broke us of our ministry- but never broke us of our marriage. We get through stuff. We work on our marriage.

Jesus said in Matthew 5:31-32 READ

But let me spend a few minutes of time going over some ways to not get divorced. Some of these apply to those of you who are married on how to save your marriage- some apply to those of you who are waiting for your spouse- kids- listen up closely.

How to have great relationships- (not get divorced)

divorce
  1. Marry the right person- “do not be yoked with unbelievers”

2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?

If you’re married- you have to stay married- can’t leave just because they are unbeliever

But BEFORE you get married- do not believe this lie that because someone is a nice person you should marry them. DO NOT MARRY THEM- don’t do it. They will more than likely never get saved and if you are you are going to live a life of misery pulling them in another direction

Don’t marry a jerk who calls themselves a Christian either- look for fruit.

Someone that just comes from the gym- you can smell it on them- same with church-

  1. Get saved- fall in love with Jesus

Don’t expect to be able to have a great marriage if you’re not born again. You can’t do it on your own strength. None of us can. You have to be born again- John 3:7Do not marvel that I said to you, ‘You must be born again.’

I’m not talking about agreeing to Christianity- I’m talking about being made new- born again

Because the born again look at life differently. They just do. You cannot be a forgiving person if you have not experienced forgiveness. And if you’re not forgiving- I question if you’re saved

Experience this! Experience Christs forgiveness and be born again-

  1. Expect less-

you should just be happy someone said yes

Romans 12:3 says “not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think,”

Some people think they are perfect- their spouse isn’t and they have a bunch to work on

My wife is ten times the person I am. I am a depraved wicked soul in need of savior

I don’t say that in jest- she really is a precious person- I don’t deserve her at all. I just don’t

So when we fight- I think more about how wicked I am and not about her faults-

divorce
  1. Forgive more than you should-

all the scriptures about forgiveness apply to marriage. Christians talk about loving their enemies- and forgiving murders and rapists, but somehow we can’t forgive a husband saying an off handed comment about a pair of pants or a wife that told you to pick up your underwear

you have been forgiven- forgive people- let them grow- you don’t need to be someone’s holy ghost- every single scripture about forgiveness applies to marriage.

But how long pastor? Matthew 18:22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.

7×70= 490 PASTOR IM UP TO 489 and then I’m DONE

  1. Quit keeping score

If you’re keeping score you’re never going to win. Ever. Marriage isn’t a score keeper

Sometimes its 50-50 but it rarely is- just do what needs to be done. Be an adult

If someone asks you to go one mile- go two- give them your tunic. All apply to marriage

  1. Don’t build a case

Crystal could easily build a case against me and some of ya’ll would say- I never thought that it was like that for her. I often raise my voice to the children. I rarely pick up after myself. I rarely do laundry, cook dinner, shut drawers. Crystal does the checkbook- “what a monster”

If you build a case- its always there- I could build one against my wife- if I actually cared.

Last few real quick-

  1. Try to look like the person your spouse married.- its not easy but worth it
  2. Don’t be controlling, manipulative, coercive
  3. Be honest about your shortcomings
  4. Be patient- love is patient- love is kind
  5. Spend time together- spend more together than apart
  6. Keep a budget. Keep a clean house.
  7. Listen more than you speak
  8. Hang out with people who love being married and get advice- use your marriage as a ministry- young people need to be around you

Please go and re listen to the divorce sermon- its on the webpage Stay married. Honor God.

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