How to Not Get Divorced

How to Not get divorced

  • matthew 19:1-12 from the beginning it was not so
  • I preached on God hates divorce about 5 years ago https://faithandvictory.com/divorce/
  • I highly encourage you to go and listen to the message. This message covers the same scriptures as in Mark from Aug 2017. Please go and listen to it. If you’re watching this video online, there will be the link in the description. You can find it on our website. I am not a guy that likes to re-preach sermons. This is what the Lord released me to preach this week. I’ve taught on divorce
  • I wanted to take the week off and not work on a sermon, but I felt like the Lord released me to preach this message today. I think it’s a right now message. For you. For someone you know
  • Quick points of the divorce sermon that cover these scriptures.
  • Divorce is not normal in the Bible, we don’t see it as normal. American Christians get divorced too easy. There is such a thing as biblical divorce and unbiblical divorce. God can forgive divorce, but you don’t want to get divorced knowing that you’ll just ask for forgiveness. Make a commitment to never divorce. God hates divorce. It’s the nuclear option. Mutal agreed destruct
  • Go and listen to the sermon. it explains the divorce portion of this scripture.
  • So now, lets pull out a bit more from this scripture before we get into the main point I want to make today. This is building off of the God Hates divorce sermon, again, go and listen to it.
  • Marriage is between a man and a Woman
  • 4 made them male and female12 For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother’s womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it.” (They don’t want to argue resurrect, just deviancy)
  • These verses are very contested by those who seek to use them to support alternative lifestyles
  • What are these lifestyles? Any and all sexual relationships that are other than “natural born genetic man who is biologically male and natural born genetic female who is biologically female”
  • Marriage is only for those two people. That’s it. There are no other combinations in the bible.
  • Jesus includes this part about Eunuchs and I need to quickly explain it because there are people that misconstrue it for their sexual deviancy. Sexual deviancy is not biblical. Christians reject
  • 3 types- Born without fully developed parts and have no sexual desire, castrated with no desire, and those who have chosen celibacy.
  • This is with the Marriage teaching as if to say- These people remained unmarried as well.
  • I don’t want to spend an inordinate amount of time on this. I shouldn’t have to spend time reading all the scriptures against all manner of this sin. Any critics- show me a CLEAR (not convoluted) marriage in the Bible other than man/woman. The onus is on them to prove it, not me to defend it. We’re normal. One man one woman for ever is normal.
  • Why is the defense of marriage so important
  • It’s a holy institution- Malachi 2:11 Judah has dealt treacherously, And an abomination has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem, For Judah has profaned The Lord’s holy institution which He loves: He has married the daughter of a foreign god.
  • This is the same chapter as- Malachi 2:16 “For the Lord God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence
  • Marriage has been and will always be a holy institution. Its not merely a contract. It’s a covenant
  • Ephesians 5:32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
  • The picture of Christ as the bridegroom and the Church as the bride is throughout scripture
  • It helps us understand what we are, and who we will become and who we must submit to.
  • Rev 21:2 Then I, John, saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.
  • 2 Cor 11:2 For I am jealous for you with godly jealousy. For I have betrothed you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ.
  • Isaiah 54:5 For your Maker is your husband,The Lord of hosts is His name; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth.
  • People today attack this notion of Christ and his bride indirectly through their promulgation of marriages that are unbiblical that are not centered on Christ because they want to destroy Christianity. They see marriage as a way to please themselves and not to please God.
  • Why? Honestly, I think its sexual perversion. The sex drive is perhaps the strongest desire that a human can have outside of air, food and water. And it drives people crazy.
  • Christianity says to the deviant- one man, one woman forever. Work it out and find pleasure there. If I’m not “happy” I deserve to be ‘happy’ is a lie. Christians make God happy.
  • The reason why the defense is so important is that if Christians do not stay the course on marriage, we open the door to reinterpret all manner of sin through whatever lens we think. We can’t do that. We can’t curtail what is true to make people feel better.
  • Erode the foundations of Adam and Eve, Christ and His bride, Give Jesus a wife and then everything in the Bible is up for discussion. You can just do whatever you want.
  • Ask yourself this- Why does God even require that those who lead his church be able to manage their own house? 1 tim 3:5 (for if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?). Why didn’t he just say go ahead sleep around? It’s a example
  • 1 Marriage teaches us about God’s love for us. It teaches us selflessness, service, love, care, concern, relationship, fun, spirituality. Marriage is a mirror for us to see God.
  • 2 Marriage is all throughout the bible. We see stories of marriages, the images of marriage and the support and celebration of marriage through the Bible. If God loves it. We love it.
  • 3. Marriage is the foundation of society- With less marriage you get more crime. Fatherlessness is destroying America. Women and Children are exploited. Kids from single parent families commit more crimes, higher depression, lower grades, more runaways, more rapists, more teen pregnancies, more suicides, more behavior disorders, more arson, dropouts, chemical abuse, incarceration, prison time. Etc. etc. https://thefatherlessgeneration.wordpress.com/statistics/
  • 4 Marriage teaches us to walk out the Bible- Forgiveness, service, love, selflessness etc.
  • 5 Marriage is Normal. Men and women were beautifully created different to complement each other and propagate the species. Marriages make kids that become humans. (abortion norm?)
  • When we don’t defend marriage we don’t defend the Bible, God’s plan, and a normal society.
  • So here’s what we want to talk about today. How to NOT get divorced. If you’re here and you’re married, you’ll want to listen. Not married, listen. Not going to get married, listen.
  • Marriage is a huge part of Church and society. You don’t have to be married to be valuable, but even if you’re not- you should want marriages to be good. To defend and support marriages.
  • So how to NOT Get divorced. (some of you may not have done this- this is not a condemnation- learn the standard and uphold it) If you were wrong, ask for forgiveness. Stay married.
  1. Get in the right place spiritually before you Date
  2. If you are not currently walking with Jesus in a good way, you should not be trying to date
  3. This goes for young and old people the same. If you are not where you need to be spiritually you will not be able to discern anything about Marriage or dating if you are in sin.
  4. You need to repent of your sins, walk with God, get planted in a Church and wait on God.
  5. Proverbs 4:23 Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life.
  6. If your heart is not right, you are going to have issues. Plain and simple. Issues.
  7. You will try and make someone else an idol in your life thinking they will complete you
  8. Exodus 20:3 “You shall have no other gods before Me. 1st commandment
  9. If your heart is not right and your are looking for marriage to complete you, you will struggle.
  10. Quit comparing yourself to other people’s stories. You will have your own story. Wait on God.
  11. If you’re already married- get in the right place spiritually- fast, pray, read, serve, love give
  • Dating the wrong person creates marrying the wrong person
  • Do not think that getting into a relationship with someone who is not a Christian will work
  • 2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?
  • You shouldn’t even be in heart relationships with friends who aren’t Christians- why do you think that God turns a blind eye to a marriage relationship? We’ve covered the people you should avoid many times over the past months- this goes for dating relationships as well
  • If they are not saved, do not have a pastor, a Church, a testimony, people who like them or a job. Have nothing to do with them. God did not send you to save them. Walk away.
  • No matter how good looking, no matter the story, no matter the bank account. If they are not currently demonstrating Christian Character walk away. Run. Have nothing to do with them.
  • Do not be with someone who is steeped in addiction, has no friends, no job, no drive, no ambition, no character. If they don’t have someone that can stand next to them and say they are a good dude- run. If you value Jesus and his church and they don’t- run. Wait on God
  • Do not be with someone who does not like to worship, serve God, go to Church, serve others
  • Mate selection is the greatest indicator of marriage happiness. Do not yoke up out of loneliness. Do not settle. Do not lower your standards. Have a list of what you want!
  • I have seen many a marriage end that never should have started. Loneliness drives people to lower their standards because they would rather be with someone than be alone.
  • People start physical relationships that turn into babies and then they try to salvage
  • If you WAIT to procreate until you are married, this never will be a problem.
  • Don’t be physical- don’t touch and hold and be alone. Don’t push the boundaries, stay far away from the line. Maintain discipline and honor God with your bodies. (babies do not keep men)
  • Already married? Become the best person on planet Earth. fast, pray, read, serve, love give
  • Marry someone who doesn’t believe in divorce
  • If it requires a pre-nup that’s an issue. You have to be married to someone who doesn’t want to divorce. This is a long understanding conversation to ascertain this. Divorce doesn’t exist
  • Why did most of the Grandparents of my generation stay married forever? No romance
  • Malachi 2:16 “For the Lord God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one’s garment with violence,” Says the Lord of hosts.
  • Be like God- Hate divorce. I’m a child of divorce. I know the pain in it. I understand there are exceptions, and stories and blah blah blah. God’s ideal is not divorce. I wish my parents would have stayed married and my dad would have stuck around. “maybe you wouldn’t be a pastor- maybe if my dad was a Christian and stuck around I would still be a pastor”
  • Just hate it- Get mad at divorce- not at your spouse. Scream at the Devil to get out of your marriage. Realize that the Devil is trying to destroy what God holds sacred.
  • Do not- ever say the word in your house. Ever. We have never. I’ve thought about it tho.
  • “It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love.”― Dietrich Bonhoeffer (J Peterson- The normal part of marriage is bulk of life)
  • You make a commitment to work out everything- Psalm 37:5 Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass.
  • You commit and you committed before God to work it out. Figure it out. Work it out.
  • Because of the pain of the past- I’ve been counseling people that I marry in this church- if your divorce ends for any unbiblical reason, you both will have to leave.
  • When you say “for Better or for worse” You meant it. Its like in the divorce sermon- God allows divorce sometimes, but he never requires it. Just because you CAN doesn’t mean you SHOULD
  • Everything can be worked out. seen some horrible things worked out- (guy who left came back)
  • Already married? Confess that you’ve said it and vow to never say it again. (no cheat no beat)
  • Overcommunicate
  • James 1:19 my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;
  • Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth,
  • Proverbs 18:13 He who answers a matter before he hears it, It is folly and shame to him.
  • Proverbs 10:19 In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, But he who restrains his lips is wise.
  • Communicate about what you want, need, feel, desire, dream about. Talk about everything
  • Communication is central to the relationship. IF you’re not talking you’re not married.
  • Talk to them like they are your boss, not your employee.
  • Right time, right place, right attitude. Don’t deny deflect defend.
  • Be A Christian
  • All the scriptures about forgiving and loving and serving and believing all apply to marriage
  • Don’t expect more out of your spouse than you expect out of yourself. Give them Grace
  • Control the Controllables.
  • There is so much you cannot control about life, so control what you can so when an uncontrollable part comes up, it doesn’t wreck you
  • Have a budget, keep your house orderly, act your wage, eat healthy, exercise, etc
  • Calamity will come- Ecc 9:11 But time and chance happen to them all.

When calamity comes- if you have everything else dialed in- you’ll fare much better.

  • Spend lots of time together
  • Genesis 2:18 And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”
  • Mutual activities and interests create opportunities for communication and fun.
  • Serve together at Church, find things you like to do together.
  • “from the beginning it was not so”- Yea- staying married is normal. Divorce is abnormal

Be normal.

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