IF YOUR BROTHER SINS against you…. There are multiple Scriptures in the Bible about good communication and conflict resolution. Scripture reveals to us that we have an obligation to God and our fellow man to solve conflicts in a peaceable manner; even if we have to agree to disagree. However, most of what I have seen over my past 20 years of ministry, is poor to bad communication at best. I have seen passive-aggressive “communication”, taking shots at someone on social media, mean emails/texts on their exit out, slandering phone calls and gossiping women, silent grudge holders and the like. I could go on, but hopefully you get the picture. None of this is good communication. There is a Biblical standard:
“Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.”
Matthew 18:15-17 NKJV
Go and tell him/her what’s wrong. Do you know why this does not happen? I’m a straight shooter, so here it is: you are a coward and lack the ability to speak to someone kindly how they hurt you. It’s easier to send a mean tweet, take your toys and go home and tell everyone why you left that relationship. It’s cowardly to go around telling everyone else why you were offended and hurt by someone and never talk to the person who you claim hurt you about it.
Stop using, “I’m an introvert” as an excuse to not address your problems. We all have to die to our flesh. You fall back on that as an excuse. How’s that working for you? I have more of an introvert nature and I fight that battle daily. Any and all relationships take work. If you need help in good communication skills, there are numerous books and resources for better communication.
The opposite is also true. Bullying people and telling everyone why you hate them is not good communication. Addressing things in anger and accusations is poor communication at best. Flying off the handle will drive people away. There’s a right way and a wrong way to do things. I’m not sure how our society has come to be so disrespectful and rude? It’s definitely the sign of the times: offense is high. (Matthew 24:10-13) But in the house of God, things should look drastically different than the culture. The pastor can only do so much. A good pastor will discipline the church, but the sheep have to learn how to discipline themselves. There is always a Judas in the making.
“Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.” Colossians 3:12-14
Here’s some tips: 1) Ask yourself and talk to a trusted friend if you have a real or perceived offense. We can easily deceive ourselves into believing the lie. After all, it’s the original sin, “Did God really say?” 2) Seek peace, reconciliation and forgiveness. This is a must. I understand that reconciliation is not always possible, but as much as depends on you, be at peace with all men. 3) For goodness sake, do not publicly address someone or slander them on social media. This is a quick way to bring judgment upon yourself.
4) If you must start with an email, prepare it in a way that opens communication. I can help you if you need help. Starting an email with, “You are a bad person” is never a good idea. 5) Respond when someone addresses you and tell the truth. If you are not OK, then do not say you are OK. 6) Do not lie. Period. I cannot tell you how many “Christians” have lied to me about why they left the church, why they did not respond to me and avoided my questions, etc.
I don’t like being lied to. In fact, most people do not like it either. It erodes trust and lying is the devil’s language. 7) Do not avoid and ignore people’s attempts at communication. I hate to be ignored. It makes me feel invaluable. Give them the opportunity to make it right. Shut your mouth. I mean it. Do not gossip and slander and spread your offense. This is another quick way to bring judgment upon yourself.
I could tell you countless stories of men/women slanderers who brought destruction upon their lives and families because of the wickedness of their tongue. Most people are not great communicators. I have had to learn myself. Be patient with others who are trying. Love someone enough to help them communicate more effectively by being gentle and forgiving.
Here are 100 Bible verses about conflict resolution https://www.openbible.info/topics/conflict_resolution
To Learn More About Pastor Crystal please visit the Leadership Page