In this current pandemic, I’ve been thinking a lot about what might be asked of me outside my usual clinical nursing job.  The reality of being called to the hospital to care for patients, whether they have COVID or not, has hit me these past few weeks.  At first, I felt an eagerness to go and then I reacted in my old ways trying to control everything I could, even to the point of controlling when and where I would go in the hospital. But as usual, I hear God laughing and smiling, gently correcting me with His words trust Me, I go before you, do NOT depend on your own strength, do NOT fall back on your own ways.

  On one hand, I am incredibly grateful to have the skills to be able to help in some way (though it doesn’t ever feel like quite enough) and yet on the other hand some hesitation and fear. Not fear of getting COVID but fear of not having the skills needed or the physical ability to work an evening shift or a 12-hour shift or fear I could not emotionally withstand the situation.  Regardless of how I feel, years ago I made the choice to become a nurse. I took an oath to care for people regardless of fear, regardless of feelings, regardless of my own perception of what I am capable of.   

Hebrews 13:20-21

Now may the God of peace—
    who brought up from the dead our Lord Jesus,
the great Shepherd of the sheep,
    and ratified an eternal covenant with his blood—
21 may he equip you with all you need
    for doing his will.
May he produce in you,[a]
    through the power of Jesus Christ,
every good thing that is pleasing to him.
    All glory to him forever and ever! Amen.

Now, before you think this blog does not apply to you, I would like you to apply this to your Christian walk.  I know when I gave my life to Christ, I took an oath to serve the Him regardless of fear, feelings, my own capabilities.  God doesn’t come to us and say well you don’t have to do this because you don’t feel capable. On the contrary, God says you don’t feel capable, that’s perfect!  You can then depend on Me to supply everything you need and not only to supply everything but be able to bring God the glory in all of it.   

Philippians 4:19-20

19 And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.

20 Now all glory to God our Father forever and ever! Amen.

We should also be eager to be used by God in whatever ways he chooses.  It may not be in the way we think we will be used. Maybe we will be used to encourage someone else, possibly to walk us through a difficult situation so we learn to depend on Him more.  Ultimately, we don’t get to pick how we are used just be a willing vessel, but we do have choose every day to be obedient to God. And that’s the crux of it all.  

We must choose!  God is a gentleman and will not force us into anything.  As in our Christian walk and my current situation, I am choosing obedience.  I will choose service over my desire for control. Faith over fear. Life over death.  God over everything!  

I praise God every morning in my prayers that He called me to be a nurse.  I remind myself I am here for such a time as this. That I can be a light in the darkness.  That I am called to not just talk the talk but walk the walk. And for all of this I can praise God regardless of the chaos surrounding me.  



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